A blog where I say random shit

the downward spiral that my thoughts take when I think about my relationships. 

Why do I do this to myself. Something is going just fine and then my asshole brain gets ahold of it and starts to tear it to pieces. 

I don’t want to demean every relationship I’ve made this past year and make it into something angry or distrustful. But that’s exactly what happens when I get a few minutes alone to myself and see some dumb shit on FB. Or think over conversations I had. 

I irritate myself immensely when I think of all this junk. Why you no like me brain? Why you make me think too much?! 

Because that is EXACTLY what I am doing. Thinking WAY too much. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. 

Dammit. 

I get to go bowling with my best friend and my boyfriend!! YAY! There will of course be another male individual there but he’s with my Bestest and I don’t really know him that well. I think she’s jumping into something too fast and neither of them seem to care! 

Oh well. I have to learn I cannot fix everyone’s life. 

I am a cuddler. I am a morning person. I am an only child. I am currently in my pajamas. I am currently pregnant. I am left handed. I am a little shy around the opposite gender at first. I bite my nails. I can be paranoid at times. I enjoy country music. I enjoy smoothies. I enjoy talking on the phone. I have a car. I have/had a hard time paying attention at school. I have a hidden talent. I have a pet. I used to have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy/girl. I have all my grandparents. I have been to another country. I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor. I have or had broken a bone. I have caller I.D. on my phone. I have bathed someone. I have changed a diaper. I have changed a lot over the past year. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have had major/minor surgery. I have killed another person. I have had my hair cut within the last week. I have mood swings. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.  I have rejected someone before. I like the taste of blood.  I love/like Michael Jackson. I love sleeping. I love to shop. I own 100 CDs or more. I own and use a library card. I read books for pleasure in my spare time. I sleep a lot during the day. I strongly dislike math. I was born in a country other than the UK or US. I watch soap operas on a regular basis. I work at a job that I enjoy. I would classify myself as ghetto. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. I am currently wearing socks. I am tired. I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt. I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:
Graduated high school. Smoked a cigarette. Rode every ride at an amusement park. Collected something really stupid. Gone to a concert. Helped someone. Spun turn tables. Watched four movies in one night. Been dumped. Taken a college level course. Been in a car accident. Been in a tornado. Watched someone die. Been to a funeral. Burned yourself. Ran a marathon. Your parents got divorced. Cried yourself to sleep. Spent over $200 in one day. Been cheated on. Written a 10 page letter. Had a best friend. Lost someone you loved. Skipped school. Got in trouble for something you didn’t do. Stolen books from the library. Been in a mental hospital. Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. Fired a gun. Been in a school play. Been fired from a job. Taken a lie detector test. Swam with dolphins. Written poetry. Read more than 20 books a year. Gone to Europe. Loved someone you couldn’t have. Used a coloring book over age 12. Had surgery. Had stitches. Taken a taxi. Had more than 5 online conversations going at once. Had a hamster. Dyed your hair. Had something pierced. Got straight A’s. Your parents sent you to a shrink. Been handcuffed.

I am a:
Male
Female 

People sometimes label me as ___, .
Slut
Girly 
Ugly
Nerd
Other

My longest relationship was ___. (including on and off relationships)
1 month or less
2 months
3 months
4 months
5 months
6 months
7 months 
8 months
9 months
10 months
11 months
A year+
Two years or more
I’ve never been in a real relationship.

Some of my biggest fears are ___.
Spiders/other insects
Dying 
Doctor/dentist appointments
Hospitals
Needles
Disease
Being alone in the dark
Heights
Small spaces
Oceans/large bodies of water 
Holes
Large animals
Small animals
Dying young
Open spaces

I have ___.
A friend with benefits
A laptop in my room
A television in my room 
Good grades
My own car 
Married parents

not for the money, though I need that too, but for the simple, wonderful reason of being able to legitimately ignore some of my friends.

I understand that’s a horrible reason but I’m so sick of having to babysit your fucking feelings all the time. Do these people not know me? Do they not remember that I enjoy my silence?! F U stupidly forgetful friends. Leave me alone for a little bit dammit. 

I am. 

I should not be left with small children. I don’t watch them close enough, I find their crying annoying, and I’m kind of mean sometimes. 

I feel bad after, a little at least, I’m not a horrible person. But I definitely don’t feel bad enough to change the way I am with them. Small people, i.e. Children of their various shapes and sizes, should not be given unto my care. 

I think I need one of those signs about children being given to traveling gypsy’s or something. 

hmm.